


A Grimm Talk

by adelindschade



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Cringe, Dating, Embarrassing, F/M, Family, Fluff, Gen, Grimm - Freeform, Hexenbiest, Humor, Protective Parents, Series, The Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25562812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adelindschade/pseuds/adelindschade
Summary: THE TALK: GRIMM STYLESynopsis: Though their parenting style may be unorthodox, Nick and Adalind’s early-grandparent-prevention plan is a tried-and-true method – and a much cringe worthy experience for their kids.Bonus: Don’t mess with their kids.
Relationships: Nick Burkhardt/Adalind Schade
Comments: 7
Kudos: 97





	A Grimm Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Beginning with Diana, but might splurge on other side scenarios like Kelly when he's of age; or Monroe & Rosalee intervening when their kids get into some possible naughty business. To each their own parenting style. 
> 
> But in my personal opinion: Nick is definitely the whole "shot gun ready" kind of dad who is 100% ready to embarrass the living fuck of his kids to ensure they don't do stupid stuff. And Adalind's a major chaotic energy which totally enables him.

DIANA

Being their oldest, she was basically the Guinea pig.

By fourteen, she was already sought out by some ambitious boys in her class, and her mother was quick to implement boundaries. Nick was humored at first – what could fourteen years old kids do? But by the time they were of driving age, Nick’s attitude dramatically shifted, and Diana was now sentenced to their routine “8 o’clock sharp” lecture just as she prepared to greet her anxious suitor parked up front.

This time was different. Instead of hovering by the door to bid Diana goodbye and a stern reminder of her curfew, he was nowhere to be seen. She thought the surprise odd but welcomed. A much-needed break from the same, suffocating routine. However, her mother sat only a few feet from the doorway, stiff on the couch, and armed with steel eyes that put Diana on guard.

It was a common misconception that either one of her fathers were the most intimidating. Yes, they were embarrassingly protective, and armed with more than just firepower (which they already put on display, predictably), but her mother was the one who was determined to ward off suitors with more than just a sarcastic smile and subtle threat.

Nick was quite proud of how Adalind handled herself while both Diana and Kelly were mortified of the lengths she’d resort to.

“Hey, Mom,” Diana swallowed nervously. The look in her mother’s eyes did not settle well in her stomach and the nerves worked their way up to her heart. “Okay, spare the speech,” she anticipated. “I know the spiel. Be home at eight o’clock sharp; have my phone on me at all times; and the only thing I can take off is my jacket. I know, I know…”

“About the last thing,” her mother interrupted. “Come, sit down,” she beckoned with a heavy pat onto the couch cushion.

“Mom, please, he’s going to be here any minute.”

“Nope. We are having this conversation whether you like it or not, come here,” her mother ordered.

Diana complied but not without exhaling a gruff sigh. She plopped down on the chair next to the couch, hiking her jacket’s zipper up in hopes her mother wouldn’t say anything about the questionable dip of her t-shirt.

“You’re sixteen,” her mother announced.

Diana rolled her eyes. She’d been sixteen for a while now.

“And,” Adalind emphasized, noting her daughter’s disregard, “boys are going to have different expectations now that you’re older. Especially seniors. Like the one who is picking you up tonight.”

Diana didn’t miss the disapproval in her mother’s voice. Both Nick and Adalind were vocal about their reservations of Diana dating older even though sixteen was not that far off from seventeen – which was how old Matthew was. Yet, the whole _he’s graduating-and-you-have-a-whole-year-left_ seemed to be the focal point of their argument against the match.

And they did NOT take kindly to Diana pointing out Nick was three years older than Adalind, of which she compared to a Senior dating a Freshman or Sophomore. The conversation took an awkward turn when Diana also noted how her father was fifteen years older than Adalind – which was cringe enough for all of them.

And, of course, her mother would use that to her advantage to talk about how severe age differences make it easier for men to manipulate younger women, and how women with sense would realize men dating younger than themselves usually hinted at overt immaturity or more malicious intent…

That was another lecture Diana wanted to avoid. Matthew was not manipulative and Diana liked to take pride in the fact she was a lot more mature than most girls her age.

“We’re going to go about this differently than we have before because I don’t think you’re receiving this well,” Adalind forewarned. “We want you to be safe and knowledgeable and not make the same mistakes when I was your age. Trust me, Diana, I was fourteen when I dated a senior, and I thought I was so much better for it, but honestly, I was conned and I lost something I can never get back. I don’t want you to regret a decision that you can’t undo. So, as awful as this conversation is going to be for both of us, it needs to happen.”

“No, no, NO!” Diana objected in a panic. “No! You are not spoiling this night for me with this talk! I’ve already went through health class. I know how the reproductive system works! Okay? I don’t need to cover the basics! Oh my God, please no!”

“Nick? Are you ready?” Adalind called out towards the kitchen – where his bat-like hearing would’ve intercepted her voice from beyond the garage door barrier.

“No! We are not including him in this!” Diana squealed, beat red. 

“Relax, we aren’t going into explicit details,” Adalind waved her off. “We’re just going over a script so you know what to do when you’re faced with a certain scenario.”

“No sign of the Camaro yet,” Nick announced as he entered the bulky door from the garage into the kitchen.

“Seriously, please!” Diana pleaded fruitlessly.

“Good. Ready for roleplay?” Adalind requested.

“EW! NO! NO! THAT IS NOT AN OKAY WORD!” Diana squealed, cringing visibly. 

“What – roleplay?” Nick asked, almost smug as he repeated the offending word. He rounded the couch and claimed his usual spot besides his wife, throwing his arm over the edge and behind her head.

“Stop,” she whimpered. Her face contorted into disgust. “What do I have to do to get you to never, ever say that again? Please, no,” she groaned, burying her face into her hands. “We don’t need to go over this again.”

“The sooner we get this over with, the sooner you can go and have fun with your date,” Adalind assured.

“But not too much fun,” Nick seconded.

“Stop,” Diana exaggerated, her voice cracking in between. She stared Nick dead in the eyes, unamused by his shenanigans. He was unmoved, grinning from ear to ear.

“I hate you,” she mumbled, “ _so much_.”

Ironic considering he’d grown to be a significant father figure in her life. She still loved her father to pieces but Nick adopted his Dad role without a moment’s notice when Diana reunited with her mother. 

“Okay! We are going to play hypotheticals!” Her mother boasted with a loud clap of her hands. “Nick is going to pretend he’s an eighteen-year-old boy…”

“Pretend?” Diana challenged sarcastically. “He has the maturity of a frat boy and the humor of one, too.” She said with a set grimace.

“I know,” Adalind agreed with a slow nod. She pinched her nose. “This should be easy for him then.”

“Hey,” Nick objected. “I’m the most mature one out of the three of us.”

“No way,” mother and daughter retorted simultaneously.

“Ouch, I’m being vetoed here. Hey – Kelly! Kelly? Where are you going?” Nick yelled over the couch as his son snuck into the kitchen.

“Popcorn,” Kelly said briefly, raising a bowl from his hands.

“For what – you should be finishing your homework, not watching movies,” Nick harrumphed.

“Watching movies is homework,” Kelly replied like the true smartass he was. “We have to watch a German movie without subtitles and write an essay about the cinematography. My group has to agree on a motif and argue it’s historical relevance.”

“Okay-okay-okay, got it,” Nick waved up with a signature roll of the eyes. “Anyways, question, who’s the most mature one?” He asked, pointing to himself and then Adalind’s blonde crown of hair.

“Uh, the cat,” Kelly hummed. He picked the creature in question up from one of the kitchen chairs. The smoke-pointed Siamese yowled and then scrambled to get a better grip on his shoulders, settling well in one hand while he pushed the desired setting on the microwave. 

“Seriously,” Nick inquired, offended by Kelly’s original answer.

“You both are pretty petty,” Kelly noted matter-of-factly.

“Who gets in most trouble?”

“You,” Kelly implied, shrugging at the same time. “Mom is the one that bails you out.”

“OH! Look at that! Huh? Can you say that again?” Adalind bellowed in victorious laughter. “Who bails who out? Could you repeat that?”

“Oh hush,” Nick grumbled. “Hey, it’s my job! I don’t look for trouble! Trouble calls me and I put away the troublemakers. That’s what Detectives do!”

“With Mom’s help,” Kelly retorted.

“Ha-ha!” Adalind gleamed.

“Go to your room and watch a movie,” Nick huffed.

“Oh, no. Diana’s interrogation is way better than some dated World War One film,” Kelly grinned his father’s grin while settling onto the island’s bar seat.

“Kelly,” Adalind warned.

“No, no, let the boy hear this. This will benefit both of them,” Nick raised his head up haughtily, fully prepared to make the boy regret his decision. “He’s going to be her age pretty soon.”

“Kelly, go! Save yourself!” Diana pleaded. This was her one decent sisterly deed for the night. “You can’t unhear this!”

“I’ll take my chances,” Kelly boasted his grin wider than ever. The cat settled onto his lap, kneading into the boy’s pants.

“Great – this is a learning experience for both of you,” their mother decided. Diana looked horrified while Kelly was getting an inkling that perhaps he was over his head. Siblings shared a look of distrust but it was short lived as their mother resumed her previous point.

“Okay, so your father is going to act like the eighteen-year-boy like he does ninety-percent of the time. I’m going to reenact my sixteen-year-old self.”

“Matthew is seventeen,” Diana correctly firmly.

“Not in a month. He’ll be eighteen before he graduates.”

“Alright, we got our roles covered. Let’s set the scene. The date is over and it went great! He paid for dinner – and he better pay,” Adalind warned with narrowed eyes. He was already a disappointment in her eyes. “He pays for dinner and now we’re in the car. It’s parked. It’s seventy-thirty and we should be on our way home.”

“But I have different ideas,” Nick pitched smugly. “I have a pretty girl in the car and thirty minutes to kill. A lot can happen in thirty minutes. I’m going to shoot my shot.”

“And, of course, you begin with a hand on my knee,” Adalind sighed. “Predictable.”

“Body language is huge,” Nick supplied. “I get handsy,” he demonstrated with a squeeze on her knee. “Any teenage boy would. He wants to test the territory. How far can he work up before you put a stop to it?”

Diana wanted to vomit. She was stunned silent by their new approach. Watching her parents flirt so blatantly in front of her? The secondhand embarrassment was suffocating.

“This is really insightful into the mind of a teenaged Nick Burkhardt,” Adalind mused, humored. “Now, Diana, don’t be like me. Don’t put out on the first date.”

“MOM!” Diana screeched.

“It’s actually more rewarding for us to work for it,” Nick explained. “It’s like we earned it.”

“STOP! SERIOUSLY! THIS IS TORTURE!”

“So, answer the question: if or when he tries to pull something like this, what do you do?” Adalind questioned, leaning forward. Diana was still mortified Nick’s hand was on her leg. It held a whole different meaning than just an affectionate gesture she had associated it to be before.

“Get your hands off my mom, please,” she whimpered. “This is so disturbing.”

“Answer the question, Diana. How’d you respond?”

“Uh, I’d tell him he’s not going anywhere with that hand,” she stammered.

“Good call,” Adalind replied, raising her finger as if she was addressing a classroom. She turned to Nick, smirking. “Sweetheart, if you think you’re going anywhere with that hand, you are sorely mistaken.”

“Well, you’re not removing it,” he contradicted confidently. Adalind in fact kept it in place.

“Mom, take it off!” Diana hissed.

Adalind, to oblige her mortified daughter, lifted his hand off her thigh and onto his lap. He frowned.

“Teenagers are bold. So, as a boy who was just shut down, I’m going to be persistent,” Nick theorized. “We’re still parked. She’s wondering why we aren’t going anywhere,” he thumbed towards an entertained Adalind. “I basically have her hostage. I’m going to lead the conversation like this,” he began as he steered in her direction. “I had a good time tonight. You’re a lot of fun and I don’t want to put an end to it so soon. We have some time left. How about we take a detour to somewhere special before I drop you off?”

“Where?” Adalind poached, reclining back.

“No – no – I’d say my dad is stickler for curfew and he’ll have both our heads if I’m not in the door by eight!” Diana inserted angrily.

“Good girl. I taught you well,” Nick grinned proudly. “However, as a teenager, I could give a rat’s ass what some old man says.”

“So, you’re admitting you’re old?” Kelly teased.

“No, I’m not! But a teenager might think I am because I pay taxes and tuition for both of you freeloaders!” Nick retorted, failing to render the boy silent. Kelly continued to snicker, munching on his popcorn after he poured it into the bowl.

“My dad is bit of a jerk and would kill us both if I’m not home by eight,” Adalind repeated, playing her role.

“We have twenty-five minutes,” Nick coaxed. “He doesn’t have to know we left early.”

“True,” Adalind pursed her lips in thought. “Where would we go?”

“You know that gravel road outside the natural park reserve, just outside your house?”

“The one that is out of sight from the main road?”

“Yeah – we can take a detour through there. No one will see us.”

“I do not need this!” Diana objected, standing up. “I’m not going down some creepy, dark road outside my neighborhood to mess around with my boyfriend! I’ve read plenty of horror stories on how that goes down! You’ve investigated a murder or two in that area! No way I’m going down there!”

“That answers that,” Adalind forced a smile. “Yeah, no, that road is so creepy; I’m not going down there,” she mocked a higher voice to Nick, imitating Diana.

“Alright, well, I live nearby. Want to stop by my place?”

“That’s not going to happen! His mom and dad are home!” Diana huffed.

“True, no boy is going to bring his date home if his family is around – not if he wants to mess around,” Nick mused.

“See? Nothing will happen!” Diana declared.

“There is that blind spot outside the driveway, outside the vacant house on the corner of the street. We’ve passed by it plenty of times.” Adalind suggested.

“Great idea! I’d note that for later – and later is now, so I’ll ask this,” he again turned to Adalind, smug as ever. “How about the haunted house on the corner? It’s only a two-minute drive from your house. We can make a pit stop there.”

“Hmm. Doesn’t seem safe,” she hesitated, crossing her arms.

“What do you mean? It’s me.”

“But what would we do?”

“Use your imagination!”

“But _that_ doesn’t sound safe either,” Adalind tilted her head, debating the idea. “Or comfortable,” she supplied.

“Wait – are we talking about making out?” Kelly loudly interjected from the kitchen.

“No, no, no we’re not,” Diana answered hastily. “Kelly, seriously, go. You’re too young for this and they _know_ better.”

“If you want safety, I got something in the glove compartment,” Nick supplied.

“EW! NO! TOO FAR!” Diana shrieked.

Adalind nearly broke, falling forward into laughter.

“Like a gun?” Kelly asked, curiously.

“NO!” Diana intervened.

“He’s too innocent,” Adalind chuckled hoarsely.

Nick bit his lip to hold back his own reply, merely shaking his head while his eyes glistened with amusement.

“At least we’re doing something right,” Adalind whimpered after a slow recover. “Okay, okay, back on track. Okay – so you have something packing,” she cackled.

“Sounds like a gun,” Kelly grumbled.

“If you want but what’s the chance something could happen?” Nick played along.

“I’VE HEARD THIS STORY PLENTY TIMES!” Diana growled. “I KNOW IT ONLY TAKES ONE TIME! THAT’S HOW HE HAPPENED!’ She accused, pointed to a bewildered Kelly. “I KNOW THIS! SERIOUSLY – THIS IS NOT NECESSARY!”

“Oh – this isn’t about a gun,” Kelly swallowed nervously. “I, uh, I’m going upstairs. Good luck, Di.”

“Spare yourself, little brother,” Diana bid as he hurried upstairs, towing the cat in one arm and the popcorn in the other. She shook her head in envy and in disbelief. “This is really happening…”

“First,” Diana declared once more, “this is a date. He’s taking me to-”

“That expensive Italian place. Yeah, I know. That means he expects something in return. This is a big gesture. He wants to make a statement, an impression, something to woo you over so he can pull a move,” Adalind observed.

“This is your sixth official date. He wants to take to the next level,” Nick asserted.

“You wouldn’t know!”

“I would because I was him at some point. A big price tag means something. If it was just a day out at the park, sure, maybe not, but he’s looking forward to making a move because he wouldn’t put in all this work just for some casual Friday night.”

“You take mom out to somewhere nice once a week,” Diana accused. Recognition followed in her expression, followed by disgust. “Oh, ew! No! Ew! No! Oh God, no, there goes my appetite! Why would you-”

“You were the one to say it, not me,” Nick gloated. “Your mom and I put in a lot of work and big gestures to make this marriage work because that’s how we show we love each other. But the difference is we are married, you two are not at that level.”

Diana huffed.

“If I promise not to have some sleazy sex with my boyfriend,” Diana said through gritted teeth, “will this stop?”

Nick hushed up, bested by Diana. She relished in the fact his neck and cheeks brightened to a rosy hue. For a seasoned Detective and Grimm, the mere mention of the dirty word undid his collected façade.

“Not that it’d be worth it,” her mother interjected. “Thirty minutes is too rushed for either of you to really enjoy it, let alone in somewhere crammed like a Camaro.”

Point 1 for Adalind as both daughter and husband stared in horror. The elder Hexenbiest smirked, enjoying their reactions.

“If we want to get nitty-gritty, I could tell you which position is best suited for a quickie, but a Camaro would not accommodate that.”

“MOM! Stop!”

“Adalind!” Nick hissed.

“Holding off is a much better option, especially when you have more time and somewhere comfortable, to work out all those kinks – _oomph!_ What the hell?” Adalind sputtered, reeling from the sudden assault of a pillow. Diana was already up on her feet.

“Thank you for ruining my appetite and my whole night,” Diana cringed. “Nothing is going to happen, even though nothing was happening in the first place! All thanks to you! That’s all I’m going to think about! It’s disgusting and I hope you get off – ew, oh no, not what I wanted to say – I hope you enjoyed yourselves – oh my God, it won’t stop! You know what I mean! I hope you are proud of yourselves!!!”

“Very much,” Nick gloated. “Hey, if you’re leaving, don’t forget a phone charger! Be safe!”

“Actually, be abstinent, but if it comes to that, I’d rather you be safe. I have something in my bag because you can never trust him to carry-”

“ENOUGH! I’M LEAVING! I’M GOING TO TRY AND SALVAGE MY DATE WITHOUT VOMITTING!”

The door slammed harshly in her eager retreat. By then, they spied the lingering shadow of a sports car by the curb. Without a moment’s hesitation, they rushed out to the porch before she could make her getaway.

Diana glared from the passenger side, halfway in. Matthew was caught off guard mid text, steadying himself by leaning on his side of the vehicle and rooting his arms over his car roof.

“Uh, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Burkhardt!” he yelled nervously.

“No funny business!” Nick warned.

“Eight, sharp. No detours!” Adalind seconded.

“Just go!” Diana hissed lowly.

“I know where you live!” Nick added hastily.

The car zipped out with a squeal, with Diana notably ducking from view, while Matthew screech at a stop-sign short notice: berated by Diana for not leaving as soon as they could and nervous he’d give Nick a justification to ticket him if he were to fly by the reflective red traffic stop. 

BONUS

Once upon a time there was a thrill when he put his hand on her knee or on her back, somewhere innocent but with a hint of going beyond. She liked the excitement and intimacy but that night soured the sensation.

Matthew wasn’t like them. He was blissfully ignorant of wesen. How he managed to get suckered into their private school meant for wesen accommodation was beyond her but he was a talented footballer with a decent academic streak. She liked how thick and messy his hair was; how he was taller than her – something unusual since she neared 5’11; and lastly, he was the epitome of normal she sought out like the masochist she was.

He was a dumb, ignorant boy who had book smarts but not enough brains to comprehend the larger picture. He was also a boy fueled by something as simple and invigorating like dating the hottest, tallest blonde in school who also known to be one of the smartest. She was a well-rounded commodity that few had a chance with but she liked him for his simplicity and warm hazel eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he asked between mouthfuls of pasta.

“My parents are nosy and gross,” Diana grimaced.

“Parents are like that,” he laughed.

“You don’t know mine,” she supplied with a cringe.

“Aren’t they like, super rich or something? They are well known.”

Given by the zip code they lived in, not really, she surmised. He should’ve put that together. Middle to Upper class at best, mainly because her mother could haggle a huge salary, but both of them preferred to live like hermits with smaller fittings, granted by her mother’s fondness of ‘fome’ which they departed for so long ago.

“Not because of they have money,” Diana mumbled. “Dad is a Detective. Stepdad actually, I mean. He basically is like my dad because he’s been with mom since I was a kid. I call him that because he deserves it and he doesn’t call me his stepdaughter.”

“Your mom is an attorney though,” he observed.

“Contract law. Super boring but she’s great at it. Everyone wants her because her work is solid. Both of them make decent income but they aren’t from your part of town.”

He’s from a fancy-old-money family. The kind her mom would work for. Dad is a financier and his mom? As one could expect, a spoiled housewife with his three younger siblings.

“She’s pretty,” he complimented. “You look so much like her. Except she’s tiny.”

“Don’t say that,” she laughed. “She doesn’t like you already. Don’t give her another reason why.”

“Why? I’ve done nothing to give her a cause to hate me.” Poor guy was so confused.

“You’re not from our… world. Dad doesn’t trust your… kind.”

“Oh, like, people like my parents, who have money?”

“That and, well, let’s leave it at that,” Diana decided, reasoning it was better to leave that can of works sealed shut.

“And your mom? She’s pretty well off.”

“She worked her ass off to get to where she’s at. Not that your dad didn’t but she didn’t get any help and she’s super prideful of all the sacrifices she had to make to be as successful as she is. It’s amazing what she accomplished but like dad, she’s reserved about certain upbringings.”

“So why enlist you and your brother at the academy? She was alumni, wasn’t she? I recognize her from the board of acknowledgement. She was like some golf pro or something.”

“Scholarship kid. Her mom paid partial tuition. She played golf because sports were a requirement but she made her mark by setting some sort of test record. She and my brother really like the kind of subjects that require thinking. Literature, debate, you name it – she excelled at it. She was captain of the debate team. I think she did well at Chem, too, but I didn’t get that talent,” Diana humored.

“And your dad?”

“My actual dad went to another private school. My dad – the one she married – he went to a public school. He stayed under the radar.”

“How’d they meet?”

“Through my biological dad. They had my brother, married, and happily ever after,” she condensed the story so he wouldn’t run for hills. “My mom and dad were tumultuous at best. Nick is good for her. He treats her well.”

She always aspired to have someone who respected her and covered her like Nick did her mother. Her mother always met him fifty-fifty. It was plain to see she was enamored with him and while recent events soured her mood, it only proved they were still on common ground – enough to conspire to embarrass the living hell out of her.

“That’s good!” Matthew perked. “I know he doesn’t have the best expectations of me but he means well. He’s a lot more active with you and Kelly than my father is with me. I’m kind of jealous.”

“Don’t be,” Diana humored. “He can be a teensy bit suffocating. I love him and he means well but he’s paranoid, granted his job is stressful and he sees a bunch of awful things every day.”

“Homicide?”

“Yep.”

“Yikes. I can’t imagine what he deals with every day.”

Aside from plain murder, the whole Grimm thing added a whole new layer of craziness. They were a bit of oxymoron – an officer of the law marrying a lawyer; a Grimm marrying a Hexenbiest. Yet, the whole opposites-attract really did work with them, and she found herself smiling at the fact she got lucky both and her mother landed some sort of solid homelife with him at the helm.

Kelly, too. Kelly was really lucky to have such a dad that didn’t come-and-go at the nearest sign of political unrest across the ocean. Nick would sooner resort to departing someone’s head from their body than be forced to part from his family.

“He manages really well. Give him time. He’ll warm up to you. He hated my mom for the longest time because she was a, well, uh, lawyer,” Diana quickly recovered. “He’s very quick to assumptions. Some not for the best. It’s in his nature. However, they overcame their differences, and sadly for my brother and I, they are a team unit. We can’t get around them. Mom, maybe, because she has a weak spot for us due to some childhood guilt, but dad is super stern and is not swayed any way.”

“He’s the main disciplinarian?”

“Never corporal but stern. Like if we break curfew, we can count on losing contact with the outside world for a week straight,” Diana chuckled.

“Pulling a Rapunzel?” he joked.

“Oh, for sure. He then berates us with stories of girls found dead or boys who disappear and never to be seen again. They get old fast.” She took a swig of her water, hoping to focus on the taste instead of the reminder of the discussion she had an hour prior that began with a simple reminder of curfew and how quickly it deviated into something more morbidly disgusting than just the usual “ _Case No. 9034_ ” or “ _Unknown Jane Doe_ ” or “ _Unsolved Mystery of Random Child that Every Household Apparently Knew_ ” that had been a popular scare tactic. 

“And your mom?”

“I’d rather you meet my dad instead of my mom. She’s super protective and thinks every guy wants to take advantage of me.”

“She has every right to. You’re beautiful and I’m so lucky you even gave me the time of day.”

“Don’t jinx it,” she warned teasingly.

He paid for dinner with a card – his father’s, she noted. It was an expensive dinner finished with some high-end dessert that cost above the $20 minimum Nick usually imposed on her and Kelly when they went out. It made her feel special and spoiled and she clung to his arm on their way out, swooning with every step.

“Hey, do you mind taking a detour before I drop you off?” he asked as they approached his Camaro.

“Where?” she replied hastily. The panic was noted.

“Nothing shady,” he laughed. “I thought since we had forty minutes to kill, maybe we could drive the scenic route. I don’t want the date to end this early.”

“Yeah, sure,” she stammered, ignoring the blaring sirens in her head.

The conversation was mild and nice. He was talking about colleges – the ivy kind – and she noted his scowl when she mentioned she wanted to finish her schooling abroad, to Oxford, Cambridge, or Edinburgh. Far from her father’s political ‘seat’ (not that she’d privy him to her father’s royal dealings) but to make use of her European connections to get the worldly experience.

He thought Yale or Princeton was better bit. He wanted her to consider his schools. For convenience, she noted, with vast distaste. Princeton or Yale weren’t even schools her genius brother was considering. He was young but ambitious – a boy who excelled at too many languages to count and took to history like his Godfather Monroe. He was a grade ahead and Mom was eager to introduce him to universities that would make most of his gifts – much to Nick’s displeasure because with one child abroad, he could deal, but two? He’d go crazy.

Not that Duke or Dartmouth were that far…? But mention to Mom University of Oregon was just as good and he earned a glare worthy for a man who sought out a death wish.

Adventure would be good for the boy. He needed the independence and experience of interacting with strangers beyond the world their parents approved. Nick was determined to carve out some sheltered existence for him. On the other hand, her mom was slowly coming to the realization they were doing Kelly a disservice by limiting his exposure outside specially vetted tutors and the family collection of books.

The car came to a halt down an overlook. No one was around. The car lights shut off and they were accompanied solely by the crickets.

“I really like you, Di,” he began purposely.

“I really like you, too, Matt,” she returned nervously.

“We’ve been kind of dancing around this for a couple of weeks and with me leaving at the end of August, I wanted something to keep this alive.”

“You don’t think this will work long distance?” she questioned skeptically.

“I want something to remember you by.”

“You have plenty to remember me by,” she laughed it off.

“I want more than a few stolen kisses outside class and behind the car so your parents can’t see.”

“Oh.”

Her stomach was spinning. She could feel her heart thump against her chest and she felt naked despite wearing her layers. She lifted her hand to her chest, suddenly self-conscious about her breasts.

“You trust me, don’t you?”

_No, no, no, no…_ she hyperventilated.

“I’m not – I don’t think – if this…” she squabbled.

“Relax, you’re overthinking. Breathe, Di.”

She inhaled and exhaled upon instruction. Don’t let him see you lose control, she reminded herself. She could imagine her parents disapproving words – ranging from displaying her unusual eyes to her talents down to her not setting this boy straight.

“The car is not the place to do it,” she forced out from her lips. It was the only coherent sound she could muster. “It’s small.”

“I can recline the seats,” he offered.

“That’s not the point. It shouldn’t be spontaneous or rushed. We have thirty minutes, twenty really since we have the ten-minute trip back home, and that doesn’t give a lot of time for preparation,” she urged.

“It’s your first,” he collected from her reaction.

“It’s not yours,” she accused, almost offended.

She should’ve not been since he had a year on her and a past record with some other notable girls who frequented common conversations. She felt disgusted and violated that hers could join the list of scandalized students who were subject to opinion from the general census. That wasn’t anyone’s business what she did or with whom.

“Trust me, I’ll tell you what you need to know. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

“I don’t want to do it, nervous or not. No means no,” she spat, repeating the same mantra her mother engrained in her since day one.

“Di, you can’t be happy with this arrangement. This old routine is stale. We need to progress into something else. That’s what couples do. They grow.”

“I’m not going to be pressured into doing something I don’t feel 100% confident about and I sure as Hell don’t want to be rushed into it either. Take me home, Matt, or I’m calling Dad.”

She thought they were fine because he did just that. He was silent the entire time, stewing just like she. Heck, he broke a few traffic laws in doing so, but they got home twenty minutes earlier than expected.

Anyone else in any different circumstance would’ve earned her parents’ favor but the way she knew they’d know something was off.

Just as she was going to pry the door open, his hand settled on her thigh.

“Matt, don’t.”

“Just one kiss. I don’t want to end on a bad note.”

She sighed, contemplating the action.

“Fine,” she swallowed. She leaned in for a single peck but he grabbed hold of her face to keep her still. He used the chance to deepen the kiss and she was unsure of how to register his tongue prying into her mouth like it some sloppy expedition.

She slapped his arm but to no avail.

She didn’t have physical strength like her father, Nick, or even her mother who demonstrated on a couple occasions she was match for any man. Her advantaged lied in her telekinetic abilities and that’s what she employed to reel him back, hard enough for his head to ricochet off the driver’s side window.

“What the hell, Matt?”

“What the fuck, Di?”

He soothed his aching head with a hand, discovering no blood occurred but the ringing was agonizing and he was in no position to drive with concussion like symptoms.

She stormed out the car, not bothering to slam the door on her way to the front door.

True to nature, her parents waited, and Nick only had a moment to gauge her expression to figure out what transpire.

“Feel free to kill him,” she swore, throwing her shoes aside and rushing up the stairs. He barely had a chance to ask her to elaborate before Matt clumsily stepped out from his car in pursuit after her.

“What happened?” Adalind demanded, storming out the kitchen to join Nick’s side.

“Don’t know but I’m about to find out,” Nick sneered. He didn’t have to make many steps to intercept the boy, Adalind fast on his heel.

“I need to talk to Di,” Matthew insisted. The anger in his voice was poorly hidden.

“Not tonight,” Nick ordered.

“Not ever,” Adalind growled.

“It was a misunderstanding,” he persisted.

“Save it for another day,” the Grimm commanded.

“Tomorrow is the weekend! It can’t wait!”

“Yes, it will,” Adalind pushed ahead, glaring at the man.

“Five minutes,” he pleaded.

“Go. Home.” Nick charged.

“What did you do?” Adalind interrogated.

“I kissed her!”

“That was more than just a kiss – What. Did. You. Do.”

Nick held her back as her face rippled.

“Not now, Adalind,” he assured, softer than ever.

“You’re not that scary,” the boy scoffed.

“You bet your ass I am,” she seethed. The rippling intensified and Nick shielded her from view by her body.

“And I’m taller than you, old man,” Matthew had the audacity to threaten.

“I’m not the one you want to make threats to,” Nick raised his chin. They may meet eyes but something about the elder man coaxed a subtle, instinctive reaction in the youth. Matthew theorized it was the fact this man had seen death plenty of times and actively carried some sort of firearm but it was more than that. Something primal Matthew couldn’t place.

“Let me talk to her,” Matthew insisted.

“Go home,” Nick repeated tersely.

“What did you do to her?”

“Nothing! None of your business!”

Matthew made the grave error of trying to step-side the couple, eyeing the lit guest bedroom that Diana was peeping out from.

“Diana! Let’s just talk!” He bellowed.

“You’re making a scene, just go home,” Nick asserted. He grabbed the kid’s collar with every intention of dragging him back to his car.

“Don’t put your hands on me! My dad will sue you for everything you got!”

“Not on my watch!” Adalind seethed, rippling once more. Nick was too late to shroud her face and Matthew was momentarily dazed by the morbid sight of a decaying corpse making its way towards him.

“What the fuck? What the fuck??” he stammered, falling back onto the lawn. He crawled backwards, barely functioning as his limbs tangled and lost traction each sloppy step.

“You just had to do that, didn’t you?” Nick sighed dimly. He held her back with a single arm. “Enough, Adalind. I think you sent him to the psych ward.”

“Good! He deserves it.”

“Jesus, Diana wasn’t kidding!” Matthew said, scrambling to his car. His keys dropped numerous time - each evoking a curse from his mouth as he trembled tremendously.

Sure, her dad was intimidating, but her mom was a straight up monster!

Diana cringed, seeing him retreat with such fear while her mother looked onwards with unparalleled ferocity that would make any seasoned wesen run for the hills, let alone an arrogant teenaged boy.

“He’s going to have nightmares for days,” Nick theorized.

“No one will believe them, and those who do know better than to come after us,” Adalind defied, walking back towards her house with a strong gait. 

“Mom, that was awesome!” Kelly greeted by the doorway. “His face was the best part!”

“Kelly, inside, now. We don’t want the neighbors to have a scene,” Nick warned as he caught up.

“Dad! Why didn’t you throw him out?”

“Your mother beat me to it.”

“Mom didn’t toss him across the yard. She only scared him.”

“Maybe it’s for the better. Kelly, go upstairs and finish your homework. We need to talk to your sister.”

CONTINUED

Considering their next date was cancelled until indefinitely, Diana was content sharing her parents’ movie night the following evening. She occupied the loveseat while her parents stretched out on the lounge couch. Her mother rested her feet over the arms of the couch while her head propped against a pillow leaned on Nick’s leg.

Nick’s fingers interlaced with Adalind’s while the other dug into a bag of pretzels nestled between his thigh and the other couch arm.

“Stop eating those – we’ll have to get some more tomorrow! We just bought them last week, you glutton.” The blonde accused.

“Kelly ate all the popcorn,” Nick defended.

“And he ate all the Oreos, too?” she harrumphed.

“No, that’s all you,” he laughed.

“Lies!” she denied adamantly.

Diana smiled, enjoying the engagement. They had a weird push-and-pull relationship that was built upon snark but there was no doubt in her mind they’d kill for each other. They had in the past.

_‘Just checking!’_

_‘Everything alright?’_

_‘Yep! Two corpses. Everything’s fine!’_

Despite having watched CLUE for the thousandth time, the scene still gathered a chuckle from the group.

Next to Legally Blonde and Practical Magic, CLUE was a strong contender for Mom’s favorites. Dad would oblige, making as many jokes as he could during the entire thing. She’d slap his hand and hush him. At the end of the movie, she’d be fast asleep and he’d tenderly lift her upstairs so she could sleep soundly on their bed and not on the stiff couch. 

“Hey, mom? When dad first kissed you, what did you do?” Diana curiously asked.

“She bit me,” Nick answered for her casually.

That earned a dry look from the blonde. He dared her to contradict the statement with a hiked brow and fixed grin.

“There was definitely blood involved,” Adalind supplied reluctantly. “I wouldn’t recommend it. It was a bitch trying to get my powers back.”

“Hmm,” Nick grinned. “I think that’s the first time you acknowledged that as our first.”

“You keep insisting,” Adalind shrugged. “I consider the kitchen our first but whatever.”

“You headbutted me,” she recalled.

“Whoa – no! You headbutted me!” Nick admonished. “It hurt!”

“I was this close to kicking your ass!” She hissed, rising up.

“But not quite,” Nick chuckled.

“Jerk,” she grumbled, reclining back with a solid ‘ _poof!_ ’ when her head hit the pillow. “I could’ve totally kicked your ass…”

“Love you, too,” he laughed while she rolled her eyes. He raised her hand to his lips to kiss it gently.

“Why’d you bite him?”

“Opportunity? I don’t know. It escaped my mind that his blood would’ve stripped me of my powers. I really hated him. I hated him more when I walked off powerless.”

“Yet, here we are, in a house half paid off, and two kids.”

“Glad things worked out the way they did,” Adalind raised her other hand up for a proper high-five.

“Who knows? We could’ve spent another decade hating each other.”

“Sounds exhausting,” she mumbled.

“Hey, weird question, when dad kissed you, was tongue involved?” Diana pitched. “Was that why you bit him?”

Nick began to wheeze, pounding his chest to rid himself of a lodge pretzel. Adalind scrambled up to pat his back, concern lining her face.

“Breathe, sweetheart, breathe. Don’t die on me,” she coaxed, watching color restore in his face. She exhaled in relief when he waved her off, breathing heavily as he shook off the trauma.

“Diana!” He croaked. “What kind of question is that??”

“One to even the score, old man,” Diana gloated, sniggering.

Adalind heaved into his shoulder, body trembling as she was overcome with an onslaught of giggling. 

“That – that was funny,” she squealed into his shirt. “Oh my – oh wow, she really got you back,” she ended on a high note.

“Not. Funny.” Nick croaked to Adalind, still recovering. “Do you really need to know that, kid?” he challenged, bewildered at Diana’s boldness.

“Well, was it?”

“Don’t answer that! Don’t encourage her! Diana, stop being so nosy!” Nick shifted from both blondes as he adopted a hasty tone.

“Well why did mom bite you when you tried to kiss her?”

“He was trying to kill me, Diana,” Adalind heaved, reclining into the bad padding of the couch alongside Nick. “There was no strategy to what we were doing. It was just impulsive motivated by the need to off the other.”

“I wasn’t trying to kill you,” Nick grumbled.

“Stripping me of my powers was more or less the same.”

“You were the one tossing me around the ruins.”

“So, you admit I was this close to kicking your ass!”

“That’s what you focus on?” Nick exclaimed. “Jesus, you are so competitive!”

“You had me on the ground! You won! Both times! The first at the ruins and the second when you knocked me up, bastard!” she playfully shoved him.

“Hey, hey! I almost died! Take it easy on me!” He swatted her hand before taking it into his own. “The second was not planned,” Nick defended. “The third was.”

“Third?”

“When I proposed. I won that battle.”

“Marrying me was a battle?”

“Convincing you to do the whole thing and not just sign a piece of paper in a courthouse? Oh yeah, that took serious persistence.”

“Oh yeah – that debacle.”

“Debacle,” Nick scoffed. “Please, you were the belle of ball, and that dress wasn’t cheap.”

“Neither was the open bar!”

“We both got what we wanted.”

Diana reminisced on the wedding. Her mother was dressed like some glamorous Hollywood starlet from the golden age, with perfect waves and a glistening diamond hair piece that matched the silver color of her backless dress. Nick always was within reach and could scarcely keep his hands off her, making sure everyone knew her dance card was occupied with the exception of Bud who offered to walk her down the aisle as her fatherly substitute.

Then there was the whole story about how she forgot her shoes at the aisle but didn’t miss them because they hurt her toes. She barefoot she went to her own reception, triggering a fit of laughter from the groom and the rest of his party because – well – everything is funny to men who make the most of the open bar.

“Hey, thanks for, uh, threatening Matt?” she said awkwardly.

“Oh, our pleasure. It was overdue.” Nick said with an easy grin. “Not that you couldn’t handle the kid yourself.”

“And we’re very proud of you for taking a stand and staying firm,” her mother assured warmly.

“Oh, yeah, I must’ve knocked him back with my powers. I didn’t bite him though. I should’ve.”

“It was a much-needed improvement to his shitty Camaro,” her mother roasted.

“What’s your deal with Camaros?” Diana asked, brows knitted.

“I was arrested and shoved in one.”

“It was a Charger. I was there,” Nick corrected.

“Yeah, I know you were, Dick!”

He cackled and smoothed her hair.

“Wow, you two are so functional,” Diana groaned.

“We’d drive anyone else crazy,” Nick shrugged.

“You drive each other crazy!” Diana accused.

“Yeah but we can survive each other. That’s more than anyone else can say.” Adalind smiled.

“So, you couldn’t kill the other, so it must be fate saying something else?”

“Yep,” both answered simultaneously. 

“I’m so screwed,” Diana realized, earning no sympathy from either who laughed at her expense.


End file.
